Diary of a Broken Heart

2 days before surgery

Tomorrow - barring urgent cases taking priority over mine, or my surgeon getting sick, or something of the sort - I'm going into hospital for open heart surgery.

Am I nervous? Heck yeah! There's a weird feeling of having been there done that... but I remember nothing (I was 2, last time). I know full well that I need to expect pain, and difficulty, and while I don't feel particularly scared, I'm not particularly looking forward to it, you know? I feel fairly sure that I'll get through it OK, and I figure that if something does happen, God will be looking out for me. That doesn't mean that he'll necessarily stop something bad happening, but I know from experience that he'll be there, and he'll bring me through. Those are the important things. It probably helps that I've been getting so frustrated over my declining health that I'm eager to have the surgery just for the hope of feeling better than this!

Diary of a Broken Heart - pt 6

One week before surgery

I have a better idea of what to expect when it comes to the little things, now.

So, the little things. I won't be able to raise my hands above my head (thank God for wrap-around tops). I'll need a pair of non-slip slippers to wear for walks around the ward as soon as I'm capable. Oh, I wish I could remember it all. I'll try to remember to document as much as possible after the surgery. Right now I'm trying desperately to set up my laptop for use in the hospital - not for typing or internet usage (I think that'd be a bit optimistic) but to play DVDs. In Queensland, individual TVs are available in public hospitals... but they cost. So I'd prefer to take my laptop and some DVDs.


Naomi

Diary of a Broken Heart - pt 5

17 days before surgery

Today I got a phone call at work - about 3 hours after I told my work that I had 2 days of work before I had to leave for a few weeks (on the bright side, they knew it was coming). It was the hospital, informing me that I had a pre-admission clinic to attend the next day, and it would probably take most of the day. ACK. So I went back to the HR manager and said, sorry - today's my last day instead. Thankfully, they were gracious.


Naomi

Diary of a Broken Heart - pt 4

21 days before surgery

Today I discovered how to get things moving on my surgery:

1. Get mild, persistent chest pain
2. Go to GP for an ECG
3. Panic GP by mentioning 'chest', 'pain' and 'breathlessness' in the same sentence
4. Get a free ride to heart-specialty hospital in ambulance (no sirens)
5. Allow hospital to discover that they've lost your records
6. Stay overnight because they don't know if your ECG is normal, because they don't have your records
7. See your cardiologist, mention the surgeon who's supposed to be doing your surgery
8. Allow hospital to discover that you were listed under the wrong surgeon, for the wrong surgery
9. Assure apologetic surgeon that next week or the week after will be fine for the surgery

What a day!


Naomi

Diary of a Broken Heart - pt 3

15 days before Surgery

I achieved a few things today.

First, I went to the local TAFE to talk about my options for re-starting a course in Youth Work. Then, I called the hospital and maybe – just maybe – got a fast-track to surgery. THEN, I called my doctor's office and made an appointment for tomorrow. Oh, and I looked after an 8-month-old and did a bit of housework, but that's boring.

The nurse I spoke to (on my call to the hospital) was lovely. She was concerned that I sounded out-of-breath (I was, for no good reason). She didn't think that the swelling in my ankles and feet was a good sign (neither did I). She volunteered to speak to my surgeon and let him know the situation, and I started feeling just a bit better. Oh, who am I kidding? I cried. I've been feeling worse and worse, physically, and I've been feeling as though no-one really cares, or believes, or will do anything to help me out. I hate feeling like that. So to have someone not only care, but show concern and try to help get something done... oh, it felt so nice.


Naomi

Diary of a Broken Heart - pt 2

I've been thinking about the diagnosis (ie, the "you need open heart surgery" bit) and how I felt about it.

Years ago, in a previous pregnancy, I informed medical staff of my history (heart surgery when I was a toddler, only one functioning lung) and complained of excessive tiredness and breathlessness. After a few minor tests, I was told obliquely that I was a hypochondriac. No checking of medical records, as far as I'm aware. So I shrugged, and assumed that they were right.

For the years between that pregnancy and the next, I had times of unexplained fatigue. I'd be energetic one week, ridiculously tired the next. The only explanation I ever got was 'depression', since I was never anaemic. Unsurprisingly (in retrospect), I couldn't find anything to help.

So I got pregnant again, and when the hospital pregnancy clinic labelled me as high-risk, I scoffed. When the heart ultrasound showed that my heart was dangerously enlarged... well, I think I was mostly just relieved. Finally I knew that I hadn't just been a hypochondriac. In fact, the doctor looking after me described me as 'extremely relaxed' and 'possibly too laidback'. When I called her at 36 weeks and said I felt terrible, she told me to come in with an overnight bag immediately.

Wow. I'm NOT a hypochondriac!


Naomi

Diary of a Broken Heart - pt 1

26 Days Before Surgery

My name's Naomi. I'm a christian, a wife, a mum, a writer, and... well, lots else. When I was born, I had life-threatening heart problems. Without surgery, I probably wouldn't be alive today.

I don't remember anything from that surgery or the recovery. But during my last pregnancy, I discovered that I had a leaky heart valve, and half of my heart is getting more and more enlarged. Right now, I'm waiting for open heart surgery to repair the valve.

Why the diary? Because every now and then I sit here and wonder what on earth I can expect from this surgery. I know all the medical stuff. I have an idea of how long it will take me – from a medical point of view! - to heal from the surgery. I expect to feel as though I've been hit by a bus. But I don't know what I'll go through emotionally, or the weird side effects, or what I'll be able to wear in hospital. There's a big black hole of knowledge there. So I've got a couple of hopes. One, that I'll work out exactly what it is I'm needing to know. The other, that others facing the same surgery might be able to read this diary and get an idea of what's facing them.

Naomi